It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
