there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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