sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
