after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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