I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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