Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
