By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
