The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
