I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
