I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
