Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
