I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
