Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
