I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
