She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
