nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
