And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
