I'm gonna have a badass scar
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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