six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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