Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do vagina's smell?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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