Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
should my penis look like a turkey
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
