While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
