Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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