My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
