I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
