New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
