Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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