1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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