I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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