I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
