Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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