I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
People in love make me want to vomit
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
