There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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