those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
