last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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