yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
