i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
