sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
