You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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