don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
