OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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