some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
