i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
