I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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