when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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