I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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