if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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