Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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