Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
