yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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