Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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