like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
