my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
