I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
