Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
