I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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