My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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