My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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