Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
