You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
