I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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