my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are we still banned from the library?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
