I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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