So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
