this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
