my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?