Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

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(516): View more from New York

the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(713): View more from Texas

yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

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(949): View more from California

Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Apparently senior citizens don't like that position

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(817): View more from Texas

Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.

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