I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.