this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My bed is full of blood and feathers
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
