I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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