toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
