I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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