At least make sure they are 18
Why
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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