Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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