i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
