Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
