U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So many bounce houses so little time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
