You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
