So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
