no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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