i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
