i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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