i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
