all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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