goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
