her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
