I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
