Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
