Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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