Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Randomize
