Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
